it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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