Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
