Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
