how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize