Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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