would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
