i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
