Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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