Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
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I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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