just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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