My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
