happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
