I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
