You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
