Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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