I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
