Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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