dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
false alarm, still single
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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