i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
