I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We smell like vodka and hangover
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
