I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
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Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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