Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.