I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
drinking out of a sandbucket again
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.