I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
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Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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