thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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