yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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