it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
