I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
