she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am one with the molecules
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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