cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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