I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
