wrigley field is MILF paradise
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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