So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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