Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I won the penis lottery.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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