I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
