He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
it glows. i had to have it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
