In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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