Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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