i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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