i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
