Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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