and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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