Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
