are you so shy because you have an std?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
