I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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