I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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