If i come over, it means nothing
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
