Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
COCAINE IS GR8
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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