Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
