well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
