OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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