Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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