You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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