It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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