i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just want to make out with him forever
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
