You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
