I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
