don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
