I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
