his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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