We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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