I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You need a sexual gate keeper
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
