Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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