Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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