If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
