i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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