shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
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we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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