I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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